dear diary:
june 13, 2025 (12:28pm): songs i like this month.
june 13, 2025 (12:19pm): currently reading: cruddy by lynda barry.
june 12, 2025 (2:01pm): brian wilson leaving is another strike to the heart. found out today that the pictures of pet sounds were taken at the san diego zoo and that made me well up. my dad took me to see brian at the del mar fair when i was twelve years old and i am more grateful for that now than ever. rest in pop dear brian!
june 9, 2025 (2:34pm): music sounds good again for the first time in weeks and it is pj harvey's rid of me. cried on bedford avenue and let the rain mess up my hair. the ants are gone from my house but now everything smells like mint. i went to connecticut yesterday and saw a family of swans and got a new red bag. i can't stand another second in this city. i can't wait to go back to california. sarah was in my dream last night and it was like they never left. i floated underneath a pool until i couldn't hold my breath any longer and collected fabric scraps in the water. i don't know what that one means. but i miss the water and i miss sarah and i miss california. i think. i got a new sketchbook too. jill inspired me. i accidentally made the cover neon pink and i'm slightly regretful. i am going to try to draw again like i used to. i keep looking back to claw forwards.
may 25, 2025 (10:16pm):
may 22, 2025 (5:37pm): today i saw more cockroaches than i've ever seen in my entire life. exterminators showed up to work today and no one knew why and suddenly they were crawling everywhere. bathroom. floor. walls. the entire staircase was covered in them. i ran like hell from that place. i felt even more unsettled today because yesterday i saw chinatown (1974) at the metrograph by myself. i actually liked it despite my vehement hatred for rosemary's baby and obviously polanski himself. but the last twenty or so minutes of that movie are just sickening. so that combined with feeling like bugs are controlling my entire life... not a good combo. i got two mosquito bites on my elbow recently too, but don't even get me started. some other movies i watched this month that i liked were some like it hot (1959) which i never cared to see but am glad i did. wilder is a hoot. the apartment is great too. I also watched zoolander and it reminded me of if josie and the pussycats was about male modeling, it was my last time seeing pigeon for a while too, great goodbye movie, got lots of free stuff after (thank you pigeon). i also finally watched the code (2024) with cooper and jill when they were in town and weirdly also liked it. cooper is also in it for about 2 seconds which was a fun treat. although i find using tiktok footage and hyper-modern forms of video capture to be annoying, i think that's inherently the point of it. it was really interesting to see the patchwork of different styles of footage pieced together and i mean, at least no one else has really leaned into it the way eugene has. some of it was remarkably beautiful and it was cool to see the particularly low-quality footage used in the way it was. can't say i'm too attached to the plot but it was fun in the moment. i need to get groceries but this rain won't let up...why is it so cold in may?
may 22, 2025 (5:26pm): songs i like this month
may 21, 2025 (12:34am): just ate 3/4 of a blueberry muffin.
may 20, 2025 (3:04pm): small red bugs keep landing on my desk at work. they are almost microscopic. i see one as i'm typing this now actually but this one is black! i keep squishing them with pen caps and cliff bar wrappers and they leave big red smudges behind. i have to wipe up the massacres with tissues and hand sanitizer. i feel like they are crawling all over my body for revenge for their friends. today i ate lunch at that park across the street again. wednesday announced a new song. i get too lost in routine, i think.
may 18, 2025 (9:28pm):
may 15, 2025 (9:23pm): i wrote this on the train and i can't remember why: "and there are caterpillars and bugs crawling out of eggshells painted blue driving across train tracks with no warning and spelling their names backwards whenever they can. they like to change the way they sound and learn the world through their own being. nothing can stop their ravenous glow or the way the sidewalk stops when they hit a brick wall on the corner of first and third. i’m jumping up and down sideways and the wall is my oyster sounding out bad lines impatient breathing stumbles us all and soon it will all mean nothing."
may 11, 2025 (10:43pm): me & jamie at birdy's (i'm retired from going out).
may 7, 2025 (5:25pm): testing. testing. is this thing on? resist psychic death.
